hopefulness is something that i struggle to let myself have.
even though the universe gives me plenty of reasons to hope, optimism still feels unnatural to me.
perhaps, i am afraid of being vulnerable again? that isn't exactly true, i don't think. what scares me the most is the hurt that i could experience again.
especially if my vulnerabilities are to be exploited once more.
if there is anything i am looking forward to, it's existing in this space where i'm not exposing myself — yet.
i want to exist in this quiet darkness for the time being.
yet, i'm looking forward to having my character judged by fresh faces.
but even then, i'm scared again.
the what-ifs play through my mind. what if they already have a preconceived opinion of me?
i worry that they are looking at me through a lens only focused on my past, seeing old, burnt-out light.
the world is so small, after all.
and i feel small in this world.